Fortunes

I had chinese tonight and ended up with some cookies. I had 3 cookies, my original one...then two more just because I like to read whats inside, and I suppose they taste good too. Anyways I always find them cool, so here yea go.

Your sense of humor enables you to glide through life's difficult periods.

Wise sayings often fall on barren ground, but a kind word is never thrown away.

Love is the law, love under will.

Figured It Out

The last few weeks I have been going nuts inside my own head...if you havn't noticed. So many questions running constantly that couldn't be answered. I couldn't slow down the credits to unravel them so they would go away. And I am here to tell you....I've figured it out.

Tuesday I skipped first hour and went and hung out with my mom at her work. We sipped our coffees and I solved "all my issues". To fill you in a tiny bit, there was someone I liked. But it was really inconvinent and would be so much easier not to. Therefore I was trying to solve, A: Why do I like him? and/or B: Why can't I get over him? Sitting on the edge of my bed Tuesday morning with some spare time I figured it out. And have solved it for myself, and am past all of it.

On to someone better for my happiness. Who I just happen to talk to a ton today.....ahh, isn't lame high school stuff so much fun?!

So many things I can't wait for.

This is going to be a football weekend, I'm excited.

Don't want to vent about Drama because its all redundent and over rated.

Clocks are over rated. They are always a little fast or little slow. Why trust them?

What I Needed Most

This weekend has been exactly what I needed. I love my friends, but honestly some times you just need to get away. Saturday I hung out with my sister all day. I went up and saw her at school and hung out with her friends, we watched movies. It was a lot of fun. Today I've just done homework here and there and beaded for my mom.

I think I just needed a breather from everything. A little time out, where I didn't have to sit and think of all the stupid stuff thats been going on....Monday may be gay though.

For once in my life I know exactly what I want....but can't have it. I hate when that happens.

My sister found a guy she wants me to date. He's really cute to, fun to hang out with. So basically now thats two guys that I could easily fall for. Cute, funny...and everything that would make me want them. And yet I can't. I feel like there is something wrong with me, whats so good about this other guy that makes me not want any one? It'd be so much easier...It frusterates me like no other. I've never felt this way, its almost pathetic.

The rain is pouring right now. I love the rain. Everything about it. I paused in my writing to just stare outside at it. Its letting up...why does a good rain never last? Rain reminds me of so many things...

Are you afraid of being alone
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
Are you afraid of leaving tonight
Cause I am, I'm lost without you

I love it.

Whatever

I feel like I'm just walking around doing the emotions. I'm never really happy. I havn't seen a long stretch of happiness since...we won't go into that. I'm constantly stressed. I bring stress on my self though I think. I'm a perfectionist. If I want to be involved in something I have to do it all my self, because the way other people do it bugs me. The talent show, all on my shoulders. I'm frickin running it and that stresses me out. I didn't realize I was completly doing it until it was to late. But then again, I guess I had it coming. I like being in charge...but its stressful.

My friends stress me out to. I feel like not one person I can completly vent to. Actually I hate venting. I don't feel important enough to explain my issues. I feel like every one elses, no matter what it is, has bigger issues then mine. If I do vent I feel like they are bored, so I don't bother any more. Then I get home from school and feel like I just walked through a day, just going through the steps.

I just had a f-ing book thrown at my head because I don't smile at home ever. Whatever.

I like a guy where it will never go any where. And I'm to 'lazy' to move on. And to scared from everything in the past to even want to attempt something new. I can't even go into how many rejections I've had over the last year. Whatever.

School isn't hard but I don't even feel like trying at the little things I have.

I constantly have a head ache. Whats that about?

When I ask someone to stop I feel like I speak a different language. No one ever just stops for me.

I have to go through the empty walk all over again in 10 hours...

Homecoming Adventure

I have not wanted to add a post just because I didn't want Billie Joe to be moved lower on the page. Oh so hot! Any who. Homecoming was this weekend. The whole week I was really stressed out. Plans weren't going like they were suppose to, people were making them difficult and school was just blah. So all week I just wanted it all to be over with. But then Friday I had a lot of fun tailgating and going to the game. At the game I hung out with Emily, Hannah and Chad mainly because Kelly was with Zach and Chris and everyone else left early. They were really fun to hang out with, I normally don't much but it was a ton of fun.

Saturday I decided I was going to have fun if it killed me. So I changed my whole attitude and it actually worked. My hair appointment with Kelly was fun. Then at like 2 I was bored and had nothing to do until 6 when pictures were to be taken. So I went to my moms to bead with her, and we watched like 4 OC episodes. Then I went over to Emmaleigh's, every one took pictures and we headed out for dinner. Our group was fun, Zak, Casey, Mary, Chris, Me, Emmaleigh, Kelly and Zach. Ukai was awesome and I expected nothing less. But then we had extra time, so the cool people went to Meijer's. (Zach and Kelly went and did who knows what). But we went to Meijer's and got lots of candy. We had fun with the carts and getting funny looks for being really dressed up in the store. We got a crap load of candy then headed out for the dance. But not with out shouting "Newly-weds' so people thought we just came from a wedding...through the parking lot.

Once at the dance I expected the night to go down hill. But the first half of the dance I had a lot of fun, danced for once and mingled. I normally only dance if I have a date but I was walking around this time. Stupid wigger DJ didn't play anything but her f-ing music. Never played the song I requested for Zach. Oh yea, P.S. - Zach I requested 'King for a Day' By Green Day "From the Fabulous Six"...but she didn't play it. So at least you know!

After a while I got way to hot and ventured out side only to find Hannah, Chad and Chris. So I hung out with them and random others until 11. At this point Kelly, Casey, Zak, Chris, Chad, Mary, Emily T, and I went to NCG. We went and saw 'Just Like Heaven' which I expected to be cute romantic cheesy. Yes, cheesy is all it was. To many bad lines and I was disapointed. Which is hard to do. Its a one time movie that you watch on TV, not even rent...on TV. But we made up for it by going to Crispy Creme. Although they were out of original. How do you do that? We sat in the parking lot and ate them while blaring 'Sugar We're Going Down' and singing to loud for our own good.

On the way home we stoped and got Red Bull for Casey all though the other car thought it was a bread bowl. We got to my house around 3 and Chris went home, and Zach showed back up. We watched a little bit of TV before I noticed people were nodding off. So I suggested to fold down the couches, and we went "to bed" around 4. I slept about an hour, but it was in chunks at that. I listened to people venture to my room, talk in there sleeps, moan, and even fart. We won't go into who did what though...

The next day, Sunday I went out to lunch with my Aunt Debbie. Which was a good lunch, and I got birthday money. But remember the part about 1 hour of sleep. Yea I got home at about 5, and was feeling really sick. Couldn't keep my eyes open, and had a pounding head ache on top of other things. So I laid down at 5 in the afternoon, only to wake up at 11 that night. I walk downstairs and my sister confuses me by saying "Its Tuesday!". I grabbed some water and went back to bed, and was woken by my dad at 8 this morning. So I missed first hour, and slept a total of 15 hours....pretty rediculous.

Green Day

The concert was so crazy. They played every song I wanted to hear. And Jimmy Eat World was a good start up band. We only heard two of their songs but they were my two favorites. But any ways, Green Day oh my fucking god...so rediculous. They have so much energy and Billie Joe has always been hot to me...but now its on a whole new level.

Some of the funny parts of the evening was, they had three kids go on stage to "start a band" and this chick got a fucking kiss from him...so jealous. Then a guy replaced her and he got a kiss to, just for laughs. But the guy who played Billie Joe's part got to keep the guitar, I would have killed for that. Also he mooned us a few times...interesting. And even jacked off on stage. But I guess he can pretty much just do whatever he wants so its okay.

Such an awesome concert, I would go see them again in a heart beat. I will definatly get tickets when they come back to Michigan next year.

Independent Film

I went to the MSU game today. It was fun, although my morning was more then rocky. I wouldn't even know how to describe all of that. The game was fun and it was awesome seeing us win, again. Right as I was getting home Mary called me, and it was so nice to hear from her. We talked for about an hour and decided on doing something later. So I went and got her and Kelly at 11 and we went to NCG. We saw "Me and you and everyone we know". Please never see it. Disturbing. Its a drama and I thought so much to figure it out that I then felt dumb for not being able to. Well, in the end we decided there is no point, and it may have been worse then "Open Water". It was also R, so think of horrible...with R stuff in it...it was just disgusting. Some of it I wouldn't even want to repeat out loud...ugh.

After the movie we went to Taco Bell which was very satisfying. Mmmhhm. Then a guy pulled up that scared us, so we drove home. Its like....2:57, and I got home no more then ten minutes ago. Crazy.

Later today, after I basically take a nap...is Green Day. Fuck yea! I'll have to write all about that. We probally won't get home until 1 or 2, maybe later....so Monday at school shall be fun....

Slump

I havn't written in a while because I'm sort of in a slump again. Either to busy, or for some reason depressed. Nothing really to bother me I guess, just seems that way. I feel like I am wasting all my time. Every day I come home from school and nap for at least an hour. Is that wasting my time? What else would I be doing, all my friends have homework or sports.

I have work. I work for a job that I'm not making money any more. With gas, I barly even break the amount of money a month I owe my dad. I'm freaking out. I say no to plans with friends just because I always have to drive and I just plain can't afford it. I make people pay me when I take them home. I don't like this. They say money isn't everything...but it is.

I went out to lunch today with Chris and Kelly. The whole town of Okemos was out of power. No resturants were open, and our beloved Best Buy was closed. That was the whole point in the trip...oh well. We went to Applebee's instead and we all ate to much. I feel like its one of those weekends where I need a late night adventure. I gave Kelly the homework of thinking of something we can do tonight, and stay out past midnight. She is suppose to get back with me on that later...if something cool happens, you'll be the first to hear about it.