Snap Back To Reality

I don't really care for Mondays. Not because I'm exhausted from the weekend. Or because I am back in school. Or around people I don't want to be seeing. And not even because that's when I switch houses and it messes up my sleeping. But because you get thrown back into reality.

I laid in my bed for hours last night. Lists running through my head. Everything I've been ignoring and putting off. Even lame stuff that matters to nobody but me. Lying there I realized it is almost March and I hadn't even applied for fucking college yet. After school I got a print out of my transcript. That made me sick. I really wish I cared as an underclassmen about college. I always used to think...oh, college is so far away. Those first two years killed my GPA. But whatever, not like LCC even cares. Do I really care? Actually I kind of do, because I know I'm capable of better. Hopefully I'll be able to ingrain that in the kids I probally won't have.

I want to be out of here so bad. So much is ahead that I can't wait for. The only reason I want to stall it at this point is all the things on my never ending list that need to be completed by June.

But good news, finally applied and have been accepted. Not that I would have been turned down...but it's offical. Scary.

My printer now works. How awesome.

Frightening how much my mindsets have changed even just within a week or two....

Why is it when I push you out of the picture, you have to complicate things and pop back up?

The thing I love about Mondays....is my goal for the day is always filling my weekend. So I have stuff to look forward to.

Thursday....Friday....Saturday

Can't Wait.

We're in the home stretch...

This Place Is So Lame All These Girls Look The Same

School was pointless Friday. In every class we did nothing, and yet the day went forever. Classes were like 20 minutes short, but the day just wouldn't end. The Senior/Staff game was actually really fun. Lutzke and Paul D. were the M.C.s for it, which made it pretty funny. They basically ripped all the teachers and students apart. The pep assemblly was no different then any other. Actually, the speech that Duffey gave was really cool. Every year he does a poem for the basketball guys. This one was so much cooler with it being us as seniors, our guys out there. I don't even care about those people, or basketball...but for about 3 minutes there I felt involved in school or something. Drama was happening left and right though the last few hours of the day. Crazy stuff.

Went into Okemos which was sort of crazy. Then ended up at Tia's. We jammed quite a bit and by the end of the night, not only have complete lyrics for a song. But also the main guitar tabs, most likely the bass with it if we keep it like that. And the tune for the chorus. We were just on fire. And I say major kuddos to us for not really having any chicken and mountain dew.

Follies was a ton of fun. Probally the best part was dinner. Laughing so hard and nothing really. That's the most fun I've had at dinner for one of the dances. The waiting sucked, but wow. Gotta love those kiddos. Also my house later was hilarious. Trying for at least a half hour to get a simple story out of Hannah. I hate how the best quotes are those that you can't repeat. I've been sleeping like crazy lately.

I love live CDs.
And who brings out 3 on one day?
Why is it that freshman scream when excited?
I hate fake compliments.
I love mass confusion.
I'd rather 'no' instead of 'no vibe'
The $200 got my hopes up
Why is it when I have a mile long list, I ignore it because it's overwhelming?
I liked the piercings.
I'm always okay.
Karma makes me laugh.
58 more...

Ring Out Under The Midnight Hour

This weekend has been so crazy. Nothing has gone to plan, and I don't mean that in a disappointing way. Just so completely strange.

Why are you so civil?
And why are you mad?
Why are you never around?
Why do you feel absent?
And I have no idea what to say with you lately.
Where did that call come from?
And why does it seem like we are the only normal ones?

Watching Rent twice. Not watching it, but more or less catching up. Spags. Late night confession. Cooking you lunch. Making phone calls. Mooching pizza. He's really not that bad. Giggling for a half hour. Bonding from 3 - 4 am. Waking up at 7:30, wtf? Boxing lamps. Cleaning. 38 hours straight together. Old times. Catching up. Rhyming dictionary. Jam session. Church. Sex and the City. Hours working online. Desperate Housewives. Reading. More reading. Getting plans texted to me. Cat sitting phone call. Finding the building in the ghetto. Way to much money. Your G-Ma's. Having a lunch adventure. Marshal Music. Music orgasm. Making necklaces. 48 new CDs. "Forced" dinner. Ending up back over there. Slidding on the floor, almost bad. Knowing how to use your printer. Wifeswap. My house not really feeling like home. Attempting to clean. More pictures missing, even though I found the ones Jake moved. Never ending importing. Finshing the book.

Seeing the stuff you're going through, and that I haven't been around killed me. You're going through so much right now, and I've been caught up in stuff that seems silly. I should have been there more. I feel like I've let you down. I can't believe that chapter is completely closed in my life, I would have never guessed.

Time spent with the people you care most about...truly priceless.

Where Is The Love

Today has seriously been one of the coolest days in the world. Normally I'm negitive on Valentines Day and just try to make it out alive, but seriously today rocked. First my alarm went off, and I hit snooze. I've never gone back to sleep before I normally just suck it up but I went back to sleep and the extra 10 minutes were wonderful, I loved it.

Then I don't know what else really made it great in the morning but I was just in a good mood. Second hour they passed out the candy things from the Spanish class and I got one from Hannah with a rose which was pretty sweet. Because then the rest of the day people asked about it, and that was just fun. English for the first time ever I didn't leave wanting to kill someone. But today we listened to love songs, half of which were disney songs by Kelly, and we ate food. And I planned out weekend stuff with Kelly which made me more and more excited as the hour went on.

Lunch was fun, but that's an every day thing. Then 4th hour, didn't go. Sat in the library with Hannah because we had a sub, and her and I just talked all hour. Tia even joined us towards the end. Drama the paly was decided: The Three Musketeers.

After school did errand stuff until 4, then picked up Hannah. We went to Sir Pizza which was a date we planned at least 2 months ago probally. We got there and they told us they didn't do the heart shaped pizzas at that location, but then he said "I guess it wouldn't be that hard". So he made one special for us. What an awesome kid. So we had our pizza which for some reason was just way to fun.

We had planned on visiting coin man for breadsticks, so we purposfully didn't order any with our pizza but then when we got in my car it wouldn't start. That was quite...interesting. Actually I didn't spaze which if I was alone I might have. But instead Hannah wrote a song, while I sang her songs from Chicago (because randomly I have a piano book in my car)...as we waited for my dad to pick us up. It like made her day some how, in the aspect that she'd never experienced something like that. It made the whole situation a lot lighter strange as it sounds.

I got home and bonded with my mom for a while and we just talked. Then I remember the special Price is Right was on so we watched part of that ( a guy got the $20,000 on plinko!). Then we took a trip into Target and picked up my car, because my dad called and he magically fixed it. But while in Target I ran into this kid that I sat next to in my Spanish class as a sophomore (she was a senior) and she sat and talked to me. Not that we were friends or anything, which made her talking to me so much cooler. Her and a few friends were dressed up really cute and they had all gone on a date with each other. I told them about my pizza story and they were jealous. But seriously, she made my day...I havn't seen her in over two years and we rarely even talked while in that class an entire year together. To top it off, while writing this my dad handed me $5 that I guess came in the mail from a relative. Random! Days like today just make life awesome. Our Song:

"The best Happy Valentines Day Song on the face of the freakin' PLANET!"

Oh Saint Valentine...
It's so somewhat cold outside.
And we're stuck in a car
And it's not even by a bar.
The engine won't turn over
I want a red dog named Rover
I wish I had some candy
Because that would just be dandy
I've always wanted a homie named Randy
To take me on a date
And my mom would beat him up
If he ever picked me up late.
Oh dear Valentine
Please make it warm outside
My poor car died
And now I can't drive

It's the Tire Swings first big hit...although Hannah says it isn't finished.

Much Love

One Day I Woke Up Woke Up Knowing Today Is The Day I Will Die

So really the whole thing wasn't that bad. Well, I guess it depends on which part. I woke up yesterday just like I would for school, same time...how annoying. I hoped that I could at least sleep in. Drove into wherever this place is. I got in immediatly because I was like, the first kiddo in the morning. The nice nurses immediatly gave me the laughing gas, and was talking to me. I was really quiet, manly because of how tired I was. I purposefully stayed up late the night before, haha....fear of not being able to be put out.

So they drugged me and attempted to find my vein, which I now know are really really small I guess. Then they talked to me about Sound of Music. Before I know it I'm out, and yet being able to hear the doctor, "last one". The ride home was fun, I was like mesmerized with how weird my lip felt. Got home and attempted to eat malt-o-meal with my drugs. My eye hand cordinationg was off just a little, and my whole mouth was numb...so there was stuff everywhere. I was laughing at myself, and glad no one was watching.

Talked to Hannah which made my day more fun. Also got calls from my mom, and Nolen. Got some cute IMs from Becca, Rachel and Ken also. I'm so loved, lol. Hannah even stopped in for a few minutes to give me Charlie and Chocolate Factory.

Finished Desperate Housewives. Wathced Price is Right, Guiding Light, Ophra, 70s Show, OC, Madagascar. That movie cracks me up, although it sort of hurt to watch.

The first time that was really painful was after my first nap. Woke up and the swelling was gone, and the pills had worn off. This morning REALLY hurt to. I like rolled over and was like, "oh fuck". But I'm working on the stuff kicking in.

My dad says I'm pretty happy acting considering. I told its because I would go through that then school any day. Isn't that sad? I'm all alone tonight, he's going to my grandmas. He was suppose to Wednesday, but ended up being at work until 11:30. So I'm alone. Tomorrow I'm probally going to do something, but he doesn't want me driving. So that may be interesting.

Aside from this break from school Wednesday night was what I needed most. I've been so, I don't even know how to explain my emotion the last week. But all I needed was some 'catch-up' time or something. I dono, I loved it.

I Came In Through The Window Last Night

This week has been actually not to bad. I've had company while I'm a TA which helps because most days I'm so bored I'd like to shoot myself. And drama has been enjoyable. Did the monologue today with Hannah in Tia's place. It went awesome, because we are all cute.

I'm going to die tomorrow.

Thankfully I stocked up on movies to watch. This weekend, uhh...At least next week is only a 4 day week, or maybe 3 for me. Then a long weekend. That'll make up for me getting ripped out on this weekend. Can not wait for next weekend.

I knew that'd happen....we are so lame it makes me laugh.

Made cookies today, it went crazy though. Stupid dog ate half of them. Dogs are useless. I will forever and always own cats.

I love my Jones bottles, the special ones.

Nothing else of importance, (not that any of this has been important)....just wanted to write before I died I guess. I could attempt one tomorrow on my drugs, could be interesting.

Funny How Those Memories They Last

Last week was horrible. Seemed like something shitty happened every day.

I've felt on my own this week. No ones fault...just everyone seems busy. I'm getting restless.

You've been on my mind lately, if though I shouldn't be thinking it. Makes me think of when times we're easier. Everything was inocent and we were all young....

Like strawberry wine and seventeen
The hot July moon saw everything
My first taste of love oh bittersweet

I really have no point in writing today. Nothing has happened. Next week will be just as shitty. Isn't it horrible that Thursday I get my wisdom teeth out, something kids dread. And yet I am looking forward to not needing to be at school. I keep thinking "I just need to get through Wednesday". That's how bad school has gotten lately.

Mainly it's just english. I have major senioritis, then I put effort into things and you give us no break. Has anyone ever gotten full credit? Any one that saw the poster loved it. Gosh...I hate that class. And not like LCC even cares about 4 years of english.

I want nothing more then to go back to those days. I'm probally insane for thinking it could be that way again though, right? I feel so alone in this.

I can't do wrong, I can't do right
I feel so alone tonight
I wish someone could feel
And understand the way I think
They got me on the brink
Of self destruction
I wish someone could feel

"What did it ever do for me" I Say

No wonder I did it.
Because of days like today.

Got woken up a half hour early
Sat around waiting, only to be late
Fucking 'Clue' posted every where
Hole punch ate my project
Shit all over my new jeans because of the night art class
Non-stop talking about fucking 'Clue'
Poster wasn't good enough
Poster ripped
Feeling sick
People don't know when to shut up
Pointless projects
Bitch work
Still feeling sick
A whole other poster for tomorrow
Taking it 3 FUCKING TIMES

Good things:
Hot chocolate
Text messages during 6th hour
Ripping the poster into millions of pieces

It isn't good when the bad over powers the good by that much...

And on top of it, this week I've finally come up with a decision on college. What happens? Get another phone call from Baker, they tell me all new information, once again. Guess what? They do have video classes...in Clinton Township. An hour and 20 minutes away.

I love it how when you are extremly stressed, or upset it's always the most unlikely of people that come through and make you feel better, and the people that should have your back suck. Why is that?

75 more days

Seriously...

I love life