Tell All My Friends I'm Dead

I've cried every night this week.

I'm sick of weighing out stuff on what I want to do and what I should do.

I hate bad timing.

I don't want to admit they were right.

I just want to be left alone in my room.

I hate my anxiety.

Panic attacks leading to pucking...

But most of all...the fact that all I want to do about it...

....is complain

Use A Smile As A Noun

I'm sick of hearing what's wrong with me.
Sick of people trying to fix me.
Sick of being everyones second choice...

I'm everyones backup option. When their real best friend is busy, or when their boyfriends at class or whatever the case may be.

It's lonely being the backup...

My iPod broke today. It made me sick to my stomach.

So now I have a silent 2 hour drive home...

A few days vacation is what I need. I just hate driving back into town the first time. It's very bitter sweet. I get reminded of all the good times, and then all the resentment towards the people in the memories comes flooding back.

...this roller coaster is making me sick...

blah

Skip Through The Story Tell Me How It Ends

It's days like today that keep my optimistic. Days where I know I'm studying the right thing in school. Were I get excited to go to my class and love every minute.

I love my Intro to Cinema. It's great that what others consider as "not having a life" means your the smart kid in class. The more movies you've seen the better. And I soak up everything we learn. Most I already know.

It was a good revelation when I realized I picked something I will love for the rest of my life.

Basically just realized today....

I'm in love

I'm such a mess...I'm doing the best I can

Exactly one year later...

When thinking of the changes since leaving they are drastic. I guess as long as it's for the better that's all that matters right?

At least I don't regret anything. I had to move. I had to rid myself of certain people.

It's all in the past now so why worry about the fucked up year and a half I just pulled out of...

Starting fresh...new apartment, the kittens, a new job, awesome (true) friends, doing well for once in school.

Basically I'm trying to really grasp this fresh start and be really optimistic. If I tell myself I'm happy...I will be.

So if I say everything will be okay...it should.

(I hope)