"I'm just a fucked up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind"

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Does It Seem Like That Where You Are?

It's really interesting to hear peoples first impressions of you, or even someones thoughts that has known you a while. I met someone a week or two ago and was told later that they thought I was "emo" and "depressed". This was after about 15 minutes of talking. While on the other hand a close family friend recently told me they thought of me as "someone who is very open. A 'what you see is what you get' type of person. Someone wired very differently then most people".

Something really frusterating is how easily you can get yourself down. You can have 10 good things happen in a day and as soon as one bad thing happens it's all you can focus on.

I don't have any complaints right now. I have a new car and a job I love. Plus I don't have to pay for school the next year, in fact I get a good amount of money back.

I have many underlining issues. Things that some day I really need to deal with. But almost for now, as bad as I know it is for me...it's easier to push out of my head.

Medication doesn't sound appealing for me, and why go back to thearapy when the last person told you there was nothing they could do for you?

I still have a lot to deal with, but I'm starting to think I may be able to turn out all right...

Saturday, August 11, 2007

...Sometimes We Take Pills

How do you fix something so broken it has all but turned into sand?

This has been building forever. And who knows when I'll explode, or if the previous explosions have been the worse of it. I've been told to just forget certain things. To just get over others. And worse of all...just forgive.

But it's not that easy right?

Years have effected this. 10 years of horrible friendships. 6 years resentment towards my parents, especially the last 2. Bitterness towards the one person I can sometimes talk to over all others.

I'm starting to get too content with my loneliness. It's exciting me to think about living completly alone in a town that no body knows me. How pathethic.

The only breath of fresh air I seem to get is the times I get with my two closest (and only) friends.....so maybe I'll be feeling better again in two weeks.

I'm broken and I don't want to be like this.

 
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